My Experience with undiagnosed/untreated adhd

My Experience with Undiagnosed/Untreated ADHD

Welcome friends! Today I wanted to chat a bit about my experience with undiagnosed/untreated ADHD as a young adult and how it has effected all areas of my life, what I have learned about ADHD so far in my journey, and how I am learning to manage these symptoms. Keep in mind, I am not a professional on this subject, just my personal experience.

What is ADHD?

Most of us have heard about Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD in reference to young kids misbehaving, overload of energy, can’t sit still, etc., but what a lot of us don’t know is that ADHD does not only present in children, many adults suffer from ADHD symptoms daily, making things from brushing your teeth to going to work difficult.

Mayo Clinic defines ADHD as “a mental condition that can lead to unstable relationships, poor work performance, and low self esteem. ADHD symptoms include trouble focusing, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior.” Not everyone with ADHD will present all of these symptoms or experience the same as another which is why so many adults go undiagnosed.

Symptoms:

• Behavioral: Excitability, fidgeting, impulsivity, irritability, repetition of words or actions.

• Cognitive: Absent minded, poor focus, short attention span, forgetfulness.

• Mood: Anger, stress, anxiety, mood swings, excitement.

Treatments:

• Therapy: support groups, cognitive behavioral therapy, anger management and more.

• Medication: Stimulant, cognition-enhancing medication, or Antihypertensive drug.

• Lifestyle changes: Proper sleep, meditation, exercise, etc.

My ADHD Journey

When I was about 14 years old I noticed there was something wrong, I had a load of anxiety about every interaction, problem that would arise, staying up late worrying about things that didn’t even exist, bad grades, no focus, etc. I went to my parents about it and they seemed to know the problem, I have anxiety like the rest of the family and so right away got my on a anti anxiety medication. It never really helped, if anything, I was more anxious, so I stopped taking it and just continued to feel this way.

It wasn’t until moving out on my own, immersing myself into adulthood, my symptoms became more and more apparent. I was calling into work even though I’m late on bills because I have made myself so worked up about all the possibilities that could happen at work and then convince myself that staying home is safe. I would go to bed every night with clear intentions for my next day, then wake up confused and unsure of what I should be doing. I was forgetting to do basic things like brush my teeth, eat until my stomach forced me to. I would basically go through my entire closet of clothes before doing the laundry, and just so many minor details of my day I was missing. All of the would all add up making me feel overwhelmed all the time, then making me too exhausted to go to work. Even my social life became too difficult to have in my life, I was not able to make much time for others because I was so worked up about all the things I kept telling myself I would do, thinking I would do all of those things instead of hanging out with friends. Even when I was out with friends, the only thing I could think about is everything I need to do and haven’t done yet. But when it came time to do those things, I either go full in, staying up all night focused on something (usually the wrong thing) or I can’t even start something because I am mentally drained or distracted. Simple things like going to the grocery store would send me into anxiety attacks. There are so many more little things I could talk about that just lead me to a complete mental burnout.

After feeling like I was drowning for awhile, I couldn’t take it, so I started to research all sorts of mental disorders and when I read about ADHD I felt like they were talking about me which was so relieving to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I never wanted to be dependent on medication, and I honestly can’t afford therapy, so I decided to take the long road of lifestyle change to help. That was my personal choice, and I think that medication is a great choice for a ton of individuals. This has been a long journey I am still on and forever will be.

What am I Doing to Help?

Mediation and Mindfulness:

Mediation and mindfulness has been key to my healing journey. I never knew how to meditate, and it would just frustrate me. But after my partner got really into meditating, he was able to help me have a break though and taught me what meditating even is and what it means to let go. I am forever grateful for that because mediation is now made part of my everyday life in many different ways.

Mediation does not just mean sitting down with your legs crossed, eyes closed, thoughts gone. It is awesome to do that every now and again, but there are so many different ways to do it. When I wake up, I sit there for however long I feel is necessary and just notice the thoughts that are coming into my mind, and letting it go, trying to focus on a white light in my mind which helps clear my mind and just feel at peace before I look at my phone and get the day started. Then on my way to work, I turn on peaceful atmospheric music and do that same thing, try to clear my mind, let thoughts come and go, and then tell myself how grateful I am to have a job and a car to get myself there. Remember why I go to work everyday. While I am at work, I am always looking for those little things that will make me happy. I am a house cleaner so when I get to pet a dog or cat, I allow myself to be pulled back for a few moments to feel really happy. Sometimes I see pretty flowers or a beautiful painting or just something cute I mentally allow myself to fully appreciate that thing that’s making me smile at work. On my way home from work, that’s when I just jam out to music, but the trick is, you have to constantly be present in that song and try to only focus on that and for me that allows me to release all the stress from the day so by the time I get home I don’t feel completely overwhelmed. Before bed, that’s when I like to really sit down and do deeper meditation and just think about everything I was grateful for that day. I know that sounds like a lot, but I wanted to walk you through the mental process I do at work that keeps me motivated and present, and in all reality, forming these mental habits will be a full time job because you have to stay consistent. But well worth it, it becomes easier because your mind is so used to thinking about positive things it will start to do that on it’s own because you physically formed that pathway of neurons.

Meal Prep:

I know this is not going to relate to a lot, and some might think no way! Not for me and that is perfectly okay. However, my partner and I started prepping meals for the week so we don’t have to stress over dinner everyday and keeping a more balanced diet. We both struggle with ADHD so 9 times out of 10 we both forget about dinner until we feel really hungry. That would led us to eating out a ton which is not only bad for health, it’s expensive. Prepping our meals allows us to not have to think about food until we are hungry, which takes away a ton of stress over deciding what I want and having to cook while being overly hungry. It also helps maintain a consistent balanced diet ensuring the proper nutrients for a happy, healthy brain.

Note-Taking:

I am still not great at the whole note taking, journaling, and what not but I am getting better and it is really helping to keep my brain organized. For note taking, I started out with getting a white board and that felt easier to keep up with it because I can change it as much as I want and carry it around with me. After a few months of forming that habit, failing and getting back up and trying again, forgiving myself, I went and bought a giant weekly calendar. Each page is a whole week and each day has a big area to write in. On Sunday, I always go through and fill out what I know is going on next week and then at night everyday I write out everything I need to do for the next day. I feel like I get tiny shots of dopamine just from checking boxes off throughout the day and knowing that if I find myself stuck, I can go to the calendar and reassess what I need to do. It helps me come back to center and remember what I need to focusing on instead of spending the rest of the day stuck scrolling through feed or watching YouTube videos or just going on tangents to my peers. I still will forget some days to write my tasks down but it seems to get easier and easier the more I stay determined to be consistent, which is not easy. I am going to continue to get better and find new tips and tricks to share with you all.

Finding a Creative Outlet

I honestly have no idea what I would do without creativity. I mostly am a painter but sometimes, when I don’t want to paint I will get into other things to get into the right side of my brain more in such a left brained world. I’ve ventured into messing around with epoxy resin, wire wrapping, candle making, attempted crochet, attempted piano, attempted ukulele, digital art, writing and design in general. One of the things I am really searching for in doing all that is a mental escape. When normally my mind is speed racing through a bunch of different thoughts at once, worrying about time, or whatever it is, that’s not the case when I am putting my mind to creating something. When I am creating something, my only concern in the whole world is that art piece. I forget about time and all the thoughts that were overwhelming my brain all day, it’s mentally relaxing. Even when the problem solving becomes difficult, or the piece isn’t turning out the way I would like, the fact that, in that moment, that piece is the only thing that matters, is the escape. To me, it is important to practice that side of your brain. My creative journey has also taught me a lot about myself and the way my brain works.

Wrap it up

Everyone is different, and the same strategies aren’t going to work for everyone with ADHD, there is no clear roadmap. Medication and therapy are great resources if you have access to them, but for those who don’t, keep going and keep learning and I hope that you can find things that help you manage the symptoms, and I especially that, just maybe something that I said can spark something in your brain.